40/50 Project, Day 1 - Confession and Repentance
Fasting is the surrender of a necessity, or convenience, for spiritual aims. Friends invited me into the 40/50 Project to pray, fast and act. The obvious question is, "What should I fast?"
I was invited into a vegan experiment last spring. It's become a loose commitment to strengthening a friendship more than a strict adherence to the letter of vegan law. When my friend saw me passing on meat and dairy, my friend smiled because of a sense of togetherness. My friend has since moved on from vegan ideations. I've stuck with it, lost ten pounds and allow cheese with some meals. Last Wednesday I had a piece of chicken at a dinner party.
Giving up meat, an obvious coin in the 40/50 slot, felt cheap when I revisited the Project's "why":
My obedience is tied to writing.
My life is littered with dozens of heavenly downloads for books, articles and blog posts. Some of them were published but many of them are still in draft form. Explaining the reasons why every good idea the Lord has given is not stewarded well is uncomfortable.
I have not published what the Lord has given because I'm scared. Writing makes people crazy: think Salman Rushdie. My words could bring unpredictable people to our doorstep. If I don't write, the crazies won't come, right?
If I don't write, the results of disobedience will come. Old Testament seesaws of obedience and disobedience, blessings and curses, totter in my mind. The 40/50 Project invitation has outed my fear of writing and replaced it with awareness of outcomes more tragic than critics with signs on our front lawn. A call to write was heard loudly during the 40/50 launch.
I am fasting whatever it is that keeps me from obediently publishing daily. In prayer, the Lord reveals things that we are sometimes loathe to proclaim. Jeremiah heard from the Lord in prayer and proclaimed [read published] what he heard. Reading Jeremiah's story will not make you want to say everything God tells you to say. Understanding the scope of the 40/50 Project does not make me want to write what I know God has been calling me to write.
The enemies of my obedience are crafty enough to sling forty different versions of the same strategy that keeps me from writing. Fasting a thing is pedestrian; fasting each thing preventing obedience is heaven's invitation. For forty days, I will publish daily.
I publish because the Spirit hints that my disobedience is tied to systemic, North American hindrances. Do I balk because three generations removed from the Great Migration, I'm worried about upsetting suburban neighbors / donors / volunteers and classmates? We used to be excluded from the school district, subdivision and clubs our children take for granted. Birthday party invitations, tee times and play dates are doled out to the Safe Negroes first. Publishing difficult truths can be...difficult.
I will publish because the 40/50 action step we're all praying and surrendering to discover is already littering my life. Drafts lay unfinished; blog posts float unpublished; book outlines rot in journals. Kevin and Naima, inviting people to cry out to heaven, have collaterally outed sin in my life.
Sin is knowing the right thing to do and choosing to do something else. I have sinned and spiritual warfare against racism is exposing me. For forty days, I will forsake the things that have kept me from doing what I know God wants me to do.
I will write.
I was invited into a vegan experiment last spring. It's become a loose commitment to strengthening a friendship more than a strict adherence to the letter of vegan law. When my friend saw me passing on meat and dairy, my friend smiled because of a sense of togetherness. My friend has since moved on from vegan ideations. I've stuck with it, lost ten pounds and allow cheese with some meals. Last Wednesday I had a piece of chicken at a dinner party.
Giving up meat, an obvious coin in the 40/50 slot, felt cheap when I revisited the Project's "why":
For centuries, our nation has built its identity and wealth upon the strongholds of systematic and systemic racism, oppression and violence against people of color. Our foundation’s cracks shown clear as African slaves were brought to the colonies as earlyThe organizers are targeting the roots of America's prosperity and original sin. Giving up meat, or cheese, or dessert or root beer or social media seems insufficient. Kevin and Naima are calling for heaven to speak and for us to act in obedience.
as 1526. Unfortunately, the Church has been complicit in America’s racism, directly and indirectly. Making dreams come true takes intentionality and work, planning and sacrifice. When we prayed about God’s solution to America’s problem of racism and violence, He led us to Matthew 17:21: This kind only comes out by fasting and prayer.
In many ways, God’s family has forsaken our spiritual disciplines of fasting and prayer. Yet, according to Isaiah 58:6, the fast that God chooses is one that breaks every yoke. Fasting while we pray shifts the results. We see God’s people fasting and praying all over the Biblical narrative when they humble themselves and admit that they need the Lord to intervene. We have reached that point in America when it comes to racism. We need help.(https://4050project.org/about/)
My obedience is tied to writing.My life is littered with dozens of heavenly downloads for books, articles and blog posts. Some of them were published but many of them are still in draft form. Explaining the reasons why every good idea the Lord has given is not stewarded well is uncomfortable.
I have not published what the Lord has given because I'm scared. Writing makes people crazy: think Salman Rushdie. My words could bring unpredictable people to our doorstep. If I don't write, the crazies won't come, right?
If I don't write, the results of disobedience will come. Old Testament seesaws of obedience and disobedience, blessings and curses, totter in my mind. The 40/50 Project invitation has outed my fear of writing and replaced it with awareness of outcomes more tragic than critics with signs on our front lawn. A call to write was heard loudly during the 40/50 launch.
I am fasting whatever it is that keeps me from obediently publishing daily. In prayer, the Lord reveals things that we are sometimes loathe to proclaim. Jeremiah heard from the Lord in prayer and proclaimed [read published] what he heard. Reading Jeremiah's story will not make you want to say everything God tells you to say. Understanding the scope of the 40/50 Project does not make me want to write what I know God has been calling me to write.
The enemies of my obedience are crafty enough to sling forty different versions of the same strategy that keeps me from writing. Fasting a thing is pedestrian; fasting each thing preventing obedience is heaven's invitation. For forty days, I will publish daily.
I publish because the Spirit hints that my disobedience is tied to systemic, North American hindrances. Do I balk because three generations removed from the Great Migration, I'm worried about upsetting suburban neighbors / donors / volunteers and classmates? We used to be excluded from the school district, subdivision and clubs our children take for granted. Birthday party invitations, tee times and play dates are doled out to the Safe Negroes first. Publishing difficult truths can be...difficult.
I will publish because the 40/50 action step we're all praying and surrendering to discover is already littering my life. Drafts lay unfinished; blog posts float unpublished; book outlines rot in journals. Kevin and Naima, inviting people to cry out to heaven, have collaterally outed sin in my life.
Sin is knowing the right thing to do and choosing to do something else. I have sinned and spiritual warfare against racism is exposing me. For forty days, I will forsake the things that have kept me from doing what I know God wants me to do.
I will write.
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