Grieving Patricia Pickens: Mountains and Rain

Mountains are warmed by the sun and cooled by rain.  When warm boulders are drenched, steam results.  

Woven into steamy vapors is a permissive voice saying, "You may climb..."  When climbers respond, they often describe mountains as permissively indifferent.  A climb places emotional beings in close proximity to an uncaring thing and many absorb mountainous disinterest.  Cliffs utter permissive indifference.  

"I am here, you may climb.  If you die, I am here."

Grief is like mountain climbing: emotional beings come into close proximity to uncaring things.  Billing cycles, tax deadlines and expiration dates do not care about grief.  We negotiate realities that boast no regard for life.  Daily trips to the mailbox, remind us that no one cares about our grief.  Therefore, discovering Journeying Through Grief proved a gift from the Lord.

Journeying through Grief is a set of four short books to send to people at four crucial times during the first year after the loss of a loved one.  A quote from Book 1 is helpful:

If you're stuck in the fog of grief, be patient with yourself.  It's normal and will pass in time.  For now, try to avoid tackling anything that is really difficult or requires a lot of concentration.  If you must do such a task, as someone to help.  Be extra careful when doing potentially dangerous activities such as driving, cooking, yard work or home maintenance, since people tend to be more accident-prone during grief.  If you keep forgetting things, do as one mad did -- carry a little notebook around and write yourself notes and reminders during the day.  If at all possible, avoid making major or irreversible decision until you reach a point where you can clearly think through all the long-term implications. (Haugk, Kenneth from Journeying Through Grief: A Time To Grieve, page 28)

Revisiting twelve year old grief over my mother's death requires patience.  I am learning to forgive myself for "summit or bust" attitudes toward work, family and fitness immediately after her death.  Instead of slowing down in the fog of grief, I accelerated, avoided asking for help and made decisions with long-term implications.  Settling into the biblical resource of Journeying Through Grief is giving me the assurance that the fog of grief will lift.

My grief is bringing me closer to the the Creator of mountains, rain, steam and fog.  The Lord promised never to leave or forsake me (Hebrew 13:5).  For more than a decade, I have avoided fully grieving my mother, while shepherding people through their own grief journeys.  Receiving the gift of time, space and keystrokes to process my pain is a gift from the Keeper of every promise.

I receive the gift with gratitude.