Grieving Pat Pickens: Doing the Work

"No matter how much I love you, I cannot empty your bladder for you." ~ Pat Pickens 

Experiencing grief is like urination: a necessity with geographic sensitivity.  If we avoid urination, bad things happen and if we ignore the work of experiencing grief, consequences follow.

I have ignored my grief for my mother.  Though a dirty business, each healthy human undertakes grief.  If we are wise, we make preparations, set up contingencies and use "when" rather than "if" language.

When I grieve my mother, I am often at a keyboard with soft music playing.  Candles and incense burn softly in warm air.  The writing room is also a mourning space and with mourning comes sweet relief.  A dizzying thrill precedes whispered thanks to God: I made it.  

Comparing losses is like comparing a broken leg to a broken arm -- it won't make the leg or arm hurt less or heal sooner...No one else will grieve exactly like you.  Just because someone else feels a certain way at a given point doesn't mean that you should.  You're a different person grieving a different loss. ~ (Ken Haugk, Journeying Through Grief, Book 1, page 14)

 Asking someone if they have to urinate is like comparing loss.  I've spoken to my brother, father, wife and children about grieving but now see I have to spend time with myself.  No matter how much they love me, I have to own my own bladder; my own grief.  In solitude and silence, with the Lord's Word in my system, I do well in mourning.

Who wants to carve out time to miss a loved one and think difficult thoughts?  If we are wise, each of us.  I am too soon old; too late wise.

If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. ~ James 1:5