Lunch with Tony

 Tony said life is a hockey game.

Three periods move quickly and are fraught with change.  Birth to thirty years old is period 1.  Thirty to sixty years old is period 2; sixty to ninety years are period 3.  Hockey and life include overtime.

At birth, the most important question Tony wanted answered was, "What kind of 30 year old do you want to be?"  Newborn limitations postpone interrogation for ten years. When a fifth grader is asked, common answers include, "Thirty?!  It's taken my entire life to get to ten."  Tony's twenty year olds scoff, "Thirty?!  That's old; I'll never be thirty."

At thirty-two years old, in Tony's dining room, he told the author, "You're a very nice young man but you have jacked off your life thus far.  We've spent an hour in conversation about the twenty-something you used to be.  If no one interrupts, you'll spend the next decade trying to reproduce your twenties."

Tony's lunchtime invitation failed to include anything to eat.  His massive table was empty; a legal pad and pen lay between us.  Refuting his accusation with data - graduate trained husband and father of two - made him snort.  Only a lifelong mentoring relationship kept attention long enough for his next two questions:

1. How old were you when you started thinking about the kind of 30 year old you wanted to be?
2. What kind of 60 year old do you want to be?

His questions exposed an unintentional, unplanned and short-sighted end of hockey period one.  His rebuke uncovered the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity of hockey period two.  Sixty scares thirty years olds like thirty scares twenty year olds.

Tony suggested swapping scariness for strategy by:

1. Cloud Gazing: Fix your eyes on people you admire and want to mirror.  They're changing as clouds are changing.  You may have to see some of them from afar; like clouds some of your models may grant read-only access.  Other people will be available for dialogue; take full advantage by stewarding your time with them.
2. Castle In The Sky: Write the fantastic vision for your 30-60-90th birthday.  What does your dream fulfilled look like on paper?  If you were unavailable to describe your desired end, what document / medium will help first-time hearers understand your goals?
3. Cloud Hazing: Clouds move and produce storms.  When life sucks and plans fail, revisit your vision and implement the lessons disappointments teach.  Your document may need to be shelved during life's storms.  Rain ruins documents; know when to put your long term vision into relationship with short term disappointments.
4. Building A Staircase: Write plan to become the desired 30-3-60-90 year old 
5. Building An Altar: Your castle will cost; get used to daily, weekly, monthly, annual and once-a-hockey period sacrifices.  Rewards require risk.  Create a lifestyle of surrender.
6. Finding A Tribe: Discover / create community around and away from your Castle In The Sky